by Sarah Ryder
As a Personal Historian, myself and my Forget-Me-Not colleagues are all too familiar with the excuses people make about why they shouldn’t (or couldn’t) possibly write or record their life stories. Now we may be slightly biased, but we reckon it’s something everyone should do at some stage in their lives. Here are a few of the most common excuses we hear – and what we say to them:
You say: I’m just ordinary/I won’t make history/I haven’t done anything special
We say: “There’s no such thing as an ordinary life.” (Actually we didn’t even say it – it was Mark Twain who said: There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy. Even an ‘ordinary life’ 60 years ago is a million miles away from how children’s lives are today. (If you don’t believe me, try asking your grandchildren what a phone box is!)
You say: My memory is terrible/I don’t recall all the little details
We say: You know what? Your life story doesn’t have to be an exhaustive list of every single thing that has ever happened to you, it’s the show reel. And it’s your version of your life, no-one else’s. No-one’s memory is perfect and you don’t need to include everything. Plus, once you start, you’ll be absolutely amazed at what memories start to surface…one memory triggers another. (Promise!)
You say: There are things I don’t want to include…
We say: Yep. We all have things in our past that we’re ashamed of, cringeworthy moments we don’t want to dredge up and people we are worried about hurting. These are very real and very valid concerns. What we do know however is that many people have found writing about traumatic events from their lives to be a hugely healing process. There is some really interesting research around this too – check out this article. While we will always encourage our clients to share their tough times as well as their triumphs to give a balanced picture, at the end of the day, it’s your story – and your choice about what to include and what to leave out.
You say: I’m overwhelmed/I just don’t know where to start…
We say: Sometimes the thought of writing our life stories can seem daunting. What to include? What to leave out? How to structure it? Our advice? Start where you want to start. Write (or talk) about whatever you most feel like writing/talking about. Don’t feel you have to start with your birth and work forwards chronologically from there. Don’t feel you have to include everything either. If you feel like writing about a road trip you took with a friend, start there! It’s easy to edit later. Just focus on getting down the raw material.
You say: My kids aren’t interested/I don’t have kids…
We say: You know what? Not everyone will be interested. But there will be someone who is. It could be one of your children. It could be one of your grandchildren. It could be a future descendant not even born yet! And for those who don’t have children, maybe it will be a friend, a relative, or a person researching a particular place/time or industry. There is always someone who will find your story fascinating if not right now, maybe sometime in the future. While writing your story is a great thing to do for your family, it’s also a great thing to do for yourself.
Do you have another road block? Let us know about it in the comments below!
You say: I’m just ordinary/I won’t make history/I haven’t done anything special
We say: “There’s no such thing as an ordinary life.” (Actually we didn’t even say it – it was Mark Twain who said: There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy. Even an ‘ordinary life’ 60 years ago is a million miles away from how children’s lives are today. (If you don’t believe me, try asking your grandchildren what a phone box is!)
You say: My memory is terrible/I don’t recall all the little details
We say: You know what? Your life story doesn’t have to be an exhaustive list of every single thing that has ever happened to you, it’s the show reel. And it’s your version of your life, no-one else’s. No-one’s memory is perfect and you don’t need to include everything. Plus, once you start, you’ll be absolutely amazed at what memories start to surface…one memory triggers another. (Promise!)
You say: There are things I don’t want to include…
We say: Yep. We all have things in our past that we’re ashamed of, cringeworthy moments we don’t want to dredge up and people we are worried about hurting. These are very real and very valid concerns. What we do know however is that many people have found writing about traumatic events from their lives to be a hugely healing process. There is some really interesting research around this too – check out this article. While we will always encourage our clients to share their tough times as well as their triumphs to give a balanced picture, at the end of the day, it’s your story – and your choice about what to include and what to leave out.
You say: I’m overwhelmed/I just don’t know where to start…
We say: Sometimes the thought of writing our life stories can seem daunting. What to include? What to leave out? How to structure it? Our advice? Start where you want to start. Write (or talk) about whatever you most feel like writing/talking about. Don’t feel you have to start with your birth and work forwards chronologically from there. Don’t feel you have to include everything either. If you feel like writing about a road trip you took with a friend, start there! It’s easy to edit later. Just focus on getting down the raw material.
You say: My kids aren’t interested/I don’t have kids…
We say: You know what? Not everyone will be interested. But there will be someone who is. It could be one of your children. It could be one of your grandchildren. It could be a future descendant not even born yet! And for those who don’t have children, maybe it will be a friend, a relative, or a person researching a particular place/time or industry. There is always someone who will find your story fascinating if not right now, maybe sometime in the future. While writing your story is a great thing to do for your family, it’s also a great thing to do for yourself.
Do you have another road block? Let us know about it in the comments below!
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